Why I Chose to Stay: How even after years of surviving toxic work environments, I decided to remain in the sector
This week’s blog was not going to be on this topic but I just couldn’t finish my edits. It was a strange type of writer’s block and not just because we’re in the midst of a tumultuous political time. So then I took a minute to break from the writing and determine what felt best to post. I began to think about why I started my business. It was because I wanted to create an opportunity that lent my experience and skill to the field and was an extension of who I was, unapologetically. As I began to sketch down a few thoughts this title came to me and so I am writing in hopes that it reaches someone who is struggling in their career, on their job, with their boss and they feel alone. Hopefully, this can give you hope and strength and maybe provide some direction to leaders.
I was lucky when I started my fundraising career. I had a great group of fundraisers around me, I was given the support and training I needed, and our department was well-resourced. Although, the type of fundraising was not exciting to me the skills I learned gave me an excellent foundation and I am grateful for that experience. Not soon after that experience, I was fortunate to work with a former colleague who was a great mentor and friend and I learned a great deal although my work was more marketing than fundraising it all connected. But the opportunities following those early years in my career weren’t always as supportive. I many times found myself in organizations where I was one of few or any people of color in the organization, or I was one of few managers of color in the institution. The level of micro-aggressive behavior I had to endure was sometimes unmanageable. At the time I couldn’t name the behavior but I knew it was a place of aggression and deeply seated in issues of race and privilege. I often experienced along with my White peers toxic and aggressive behaviors towards fundraisers, bullying, disrespect, and dismissiveness. Many times board members turned a blind eye to issues of discrimination, sexism, bullying, negligence of leaders. I’ve had to withstand being demeaned by individuals who had less than a third of my fundraising experience and knowledge. And when there was a difficult, sexist, or even racist comment made by a donor and I was not always supported. I spent many days behind a closed office door crying, disappointed, and demoralized. Now as we endure a pandemic, the severity is increasingly felt as I hear countless stories of how the dysfunction has heightened. As has been widely stated countless times, the field has deep challenges.
Here’s what I think organizations can do?
Acknowledge the dysfunction in your organization. Give people a voice to constructively address the challenges they are facing and then do something about it.
Learn and educate yourself. There are countless consultants and organizations that can assist you in understanding how to better manage, fundraise, support boards and volunteers, deal with toxic environments. It goes without stating that many times leaders are unclear of what it takes to successfully fundraise and support fundraising staff, but it extends far beyond the fundraising department to the way people are managed and treated as human beings. Invest time and resources in improving the work environment for everyone.
Hold people accountable for their actions. Gone are the days, when organizations should keep quiet about toxic staff, leadership, etc. If we are in the business of providing a service to the community we can’t continue doing a disservice to our staff. Create a different work environment, establish expectations, and make people accountable to those expectations.
And to those individuals who at this very moment may be dealing with apathy, depression, anxiety, and low-self esteem because of an abusive and toxic environment. Here are some words of encouragement and advice I offer to you:
You are not alone. I repeat. You are not alone. There are so many people who have walked in your shoes.
Connect with others. Sometimes, it is difficult to find people who can provide support specific to your particular challenges since most people don’t know the field. There are several national associations that support women and/or people of color in fundraising. Connect, it has been a source of real strength for me.
Don’t internalize the abusive and toxic words. This is a hard one. We should always stay open to constructive criticism. But if a person is attacking you in a professional environment that has more to do with them than to do with you. So much of our work depends on how people perceive us. We want to be and feel trustworthy, knowledgeable, accessible, and responsive. So mean words can do a job on one’s self-esteem.
Make a plan. Your own wellness is far more important than a job. Trust me. I’ve sacrificed my health for a job and if I had to do it all over again I wouldn’t. Determine how you will move forward with your future whether it is with the organization or not.
So to my initial statement “Why I chose to stay” it’s because I love fundraising and working with staff and boards. I found so much joy in building relationships, connecting donors to the mission in meaningful ways. For me, creating a business that would build capacity on a large scale was how I created a space to continue in this field. I had to imagine a place for me that felt life-giving, supportive, and safe. Even in those difficult environments, I was able to learn and grow, raise money, build great relationships with donors and volunteers. There is so much that I love about this field. Although I threatened to leave the field many times and did at one brief moment, I happily returned. In the end, there were only two choices for me: Remain in the sector and develop a platform to create change or leave the field completely. I chose to stay because I couldn’t think of another place that would bring so much joy and fulfillment as I did with fundraising. And I’m so happy I did.